So, usually the “WTF” feature will profile things to which we have mentally or verbally responded “WTF,” i.e., things that we just cannot believe people do, things we just cannot believe exist, etc. It’s an infinite topic, right?
But for this debut “WTF,” we feel the need to share with you a WTF anecdote—about Jennifer Aniston.
On or about February 21, 2011, we were happily reading our People magazine (and by we, I mean me, because I am indeed a longtime subscriber—like, twenty years, when my Grandma sent me a gift subscription year after year in college and beyond; not sure when she stopped, or why, and I started footing the bill). The cover story was all about Jennifer (I refuse to call her Jen—that’s my name). She had to defend herself, you know, from all those “Poor Jennifer, she’s so pathetic and unmarried and childless” whiners and haters and talk about how much she loves her life and her age and her body (who wouldn’t, for god’s sake, at any age?) at forty-two.
All of a sudden, we came across this tidbit, in response to the question “Do you notice your body responding differently to diet and exercise as you get older?”:
Look, my girlfriends gave this to me [she lifts up her shirt to show a stamp on her (perfectly toned and taut—I added that part) stomach that reads “WTF”]. Because I’m always going, “What the f—” (FYI, that means “fuck,” because it’s not like you wouldn’t have thought the word in your head upon seeing the blank spaces), which I know is terrible. I just keep feeling like I’m premenstrual, so I just stamped it. I love my premenstrual “pillow!”
Made my day. Maybe my week. I mean, to have one of our Self-Inking Stamps on Jennifer’s golden, glowing, taut, toned abs? It’s almost as good as having our logo tattooed on her ankle. Or something like that.
Our publicists followed up with a call to her assistant, who confirmed that indeed Jennifer loves our WTF Stamp and further indeed wanted to buy twenty for her closest BFFs and offered a credit card number. But because she’s rich and famous, and “To them that hath shall be given,” we of course gave them to her, because the more money you have, the more you should get for free. (And BTW, that’s just me being snarky. Jennifer offered to pay, and her peeps couldn’t have been lovelier. All snark in this piece reflects nonesoever on Jennifer Aniston, whom we happen to think is most certainly not pathetic—instead, we think that people who think a woman who’s unmarried and childless is pathetic are pathetic. Did you follow that?).
Now we’re just waiting for someone to get the WTF Stamp as a permanent tattoo. And they don’t have to be a celebrity, either. Any volunteers? If you do, we’ll give you a $100 Knock Knock gift certificate. Promise.